i like to play with hearts.

i just came back from a hospital; which explains the title.

we were visiting a person and thoughts played im my head as i watched the family take in the note of grief.

she was my mother's friend. a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter and a person.

the family had all gathered and we were greeted my their presence as soon as the elevator door opened. small kids were playing and jumping around. and then i question,

why the heck do we even bring them to such a place?

do they even understand the grief, the pain, the incoming loss? much to their understanding, spongebob mattered more than the sick person on the comfy bed. but we bring them anyway. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

why?

maybe its comforting to us that we seek refuge in thought that we are surrounding the sick with people they love and hoping that it will cheer their darkest days or are we simply ignorant to even comprehend such logic? i leave that for you to answer.

when i walked through the hallways, i had mixed feelings. this was my future career and at this end of the hallway, it aint looking so pretty. i had a heavy heart, prior to an earlier fight. but as i walked in, i gave up on medicine. i could not face this; the faces of the sick patients.

in a second, reality hit me. i wanted to become the heart player.

i had the ability to to give them hope but crush them all at the same time. but i do not intend to to the latter as much as i wish to do the first. nothing more could be said.

as we bid farewell, i saw her sons and they were much too young to face such a horrible twist in their lives.

fate is indeed playing a cruel game; in which none of us has ever managed to win.