hope.regrets

its always been a peculiar habit of mine to watch the people around me in motion while i remain in position. it doesn't matter if i was watching their life grow through their pictures or in daily life. i just liked to watch them. no, i'm not a freaking stalker that goes all hype about a particular someone but its more to generally. to everyone. even when waiting in a shopping complex i would love to watch people around me walk past and try to figure out their life. the reason for their laugh at the moment or cries. to make it simple. i find joy in observing. just watching. pretty weird for someone my age you might say.

well this post is not to tell you the story of my weird habits. but more to what the habit has made me feel and done.

i'm always checking into my myspace and friendster account now since i have plenty of time and very little job to do. it was starting to take its toll on me. frequently, i would fine myself in an awkward position as i stroll down the lives of my former schoolmates and watch what they have done in this past two years. the years of my absence in that school. it was rather heart wrenching as i like back into my past lives and thinking that i just might have that wonderful life. if only i didn't went to boarding school. it had always occur to me that my life in the former school was perfect. i had great friends and life was blissful. so you see, this where the regrets had come from.

well, don't get me wrong. i love Langkawi. seriously. even just by thinking of it makes me cry a little. i gained a lot there. experiences, friends and even opportunities that never i would have dream of getting when i'm in daily school. i brought hope to my life that my future was seemingly brighter then usual. that there was more to life than just passing your grades and being involved with the right things. that hope made my life into something better but somehow there was still apart of me that still questions my decision of leaving. my other conscience.now i'm living with my hopes and regrets. hope that i would one day move on from missing langkawi and regrets that will soon fade away in my future life.